good life with terri moore
Part of cultivating a good life is understanding how and when to use technology and understanding the effects it's having on those around us.
Being a mother or working with children is not for the faint of heart. It is definitely one of the most challenging experiences I have had. When I was a teenager, I learned very quickly that I HATED babysitting. I said, “I will NEVER work with children. Never, never, never.” I have now worked with children for the last 21 years. I have done daycare and preschool out of my home, and the last 6 years I have worked in a lab-centered preschool for children who are 4 turning 5. They each have had their place and I have learned new things with each endeavor, but the last 6 years have taught me valuable lessons that I wish I had always known -- not just for working with other people’s children but my own children.
Throughout all of these years of experience with children, you can get a sense of what each child's needs are pretty quickly. We figure out their needs and we get to work. Social emotional growth is often overlooked and academics are placed at the forefront of a child’s education. Play-based learning is becoming a thing of the past and technology seems to be taking its place. With technology seeming to be a huge part of our lives today, it is concerning that the age of use of technology is becoming younger and younger.
I remember when we were expecting our first child, we were ready to have the smartest, well-mannered, strong, and happy child. We looked for books like What to Expect When You’re Expecting, baby name books, books at the library, anything we could think of. Now in our more technologically-advanced times, expecting parents spend hours surfing parent blogs in search of the newest and best trends to create an optimal, developmentally-appropriate environment for their child. Parents can pass hours on their computer or phone, easily getting tangled in a simple search. It seems for every question a parent has, an answer can quickly and easily be found online or in an app; yet, this modern convenience comes with a caveat that is changing how our children develop.
Unfortunately, I am beginning to see this shift take place within the walls of the preschool I teach. It is now becoming easy to spot kids whose behavior is a direct result of technology being a big part of their daily life from such an early age. One of my groups of preschoolers couldn’t sit through a simple book being read. I always have said it’s because I don’t have laser beams shooting out my ears. It is ok for our children to be bored. Boredom fosters imagination. Some of my fondest experiences as a child were a direct result of being bored.
Our children today are inundated with technological access, and parents are conditioned to assume that the use of technology, in the form of tablets, phones, TV, and DVDs is socially acceptable or even admirable. Technology is a newer concept to most parents, as many can remember a time before cell phones, tablets, or the Internet existed. For example, when my children were little, we would spend a lot of time in the grocery store just trying to keep them from embarrassing me. My son was really good at saving tantrums for the store. There were no tablets to “entertain” while in the grocery cart.
What we did have though was interaction. We talked, we saw numbers, words, aisles, people, registers. We talked about what we were seeing and what we needed. I had the kids help me find ingredients; they helped me put the groceries on the belt. Nowadays stores have small shopping carts so the kids can help. There is nothing cuter than a child pushing a mini-sized shopping cart, helping his mom or dad grocery shop. Think of the difference between those scenarios and that of a child with his eyes glued to the tablet, missing the world around them. Who is going to gain the most from their experience?
Most children have been exposed to or have access to a portable electronic device of some form. They stream videos or play games that are promoted as educational. Modern parents are proud that their kiddos can use these devices with little to no help from the parent, most often because the parent is in awe of their child's ability to utilize and master such technology. However, because there is limited mainstream research on the effects of technology on the developing brain, many parents are unaware that the overuse of technology is causing children to exhibit delayed or impaired social and emotional skills.
One of the activities we were doing in school was to draw someone they love. I inquired from one of our students about what they drew. Her response was that she loved her tablet the most so that is what she drew. On another occasion, a student was crying. I asked him why he was sad and his response was, "I miss my dad's phone." I inquired again and said, "You're sad because you miss your dad?" He said no he misses a game on his dad's phone. Another area I see a huge difference in is on the playground. Children are coming in less equipped to handle being on the playground from lack of experience and a lack of social skills.
As parents we are our child's greatest teacher. From before our child is even born, they are learning. After they are born they are learning new things everyday. They learn through interaction from the world around them. That interaction leads to love, joy, confidence, safety, social skills, patience, empathy, and strengthens relationships to name just a few. They cannot learn these skills from technology. I love seeing kids with their parents being fully engaged. Playing, having fun just spending time together without technology. Parents put your phone down.
If I had to draw a picture of a loved one, I would draw my family, not a tablet. But what does my child think I would draw? Recently, my son shared with me that he felt lonely. I was devastated because I thought I was doing a better job. I think most parents would agree that after a day at work we just want to go home and relax. Spending time on your phone is a thoughtless activity while you relax, but it was causing my son to feel lonely. So we made some changes. We are still working on improving because it is easy to fall back on old habits. I want my children to know that I would draw a picture of them. I don’t ever want them to think that I loved a phone or tablet more than them.
Over the years I have thought back on my attitude as a teenager and I am actually glad that I had that experience. What started as negative quickly grew into a positive after I began to do daycare out of my home. The love I have for my young friends is invaluable to me. I love watching them learn and grow. They teach me new things everyday. I love having my own children. The joy I feel cannot even be expressed. I am passionate about what I do because I want them all to grow up to be well adjusted, happy, kind, compassionate adults. Technology in the early years of development is hindering that progress.
Technology can be used for so many wonderful things if used in the right way. A great example is Project Life. What a gift it is to take and preserve so many precious memories with loved ones through technology. I do think it is important to take a step back and look at what is most important to you. How we use technology is a personal decision. Identify the needs for you and your children and then act.
If you would like a little more information about technology and the young mind, here is an article addressing some of the topics I touched on.
a note from becky
Terri and I have been (real life) friends for a long time. Recently I was visiting the church congregation in which she added some of her personal insights to the Gospel lesson that was being taught. The more she talked, the more I was reminded how much Terri really knows and cares about the effects of technology on our children ... which of course led to me pulling her aside after church and asking her to share some of this in a blog post. And here we are! I'm so grateful for what Terri has shared. Like most moms, I ebb & flow in my own use of technology when I'm with my kids. Sometimes I'm way better about setting the phone in the other room and being 100% present with my family and sometimes ... well, it's a slippery slope when we start justifying, isn't it? Raise your hand if you have some mom goals right about now. Let's be better ... k? I'm all for that. Thank you, Terri, for sharing your insights!