good life with suzee jones
Part of cultivating a good life is choosing to have hope and joy.
You cannot control your circumstances. You can only control your reaction to those circumstances. You can choose fear and despair or hope and joy. The choice is yours.
In December of 2015, I was having testing done on a large lump I had found in my right breast. As a licensed aesthetician, who is also trained in skin care for oncology patients, I knew just enough to realize that the mass I was viewing during the ultrasound was going to come back as cancerous.
The day of my biopsies I was even more certain just watching the reactions of the tech and physician in the room. After they had placed clips to mark the areas they had biopsied and after I had endured another mammogram to check on the placement, I sat in the little changing room with my head between my knees, trying not to pass out, and I prayed! I did not ask for God to take this from me or for it to not be cancer, which I now am kind of amazed at. What I did ask of Him was that if this was to be my trial, would He please bless me to continue to have joy, to maintain my sense of humor, and to be able to be a light to those I would meet along this journey.
I suppose that it would have been a very easy thing to have gone home, curled up under a blanket, and felt sorry for myself. Believe me, there were days that I did do that very thing! I was not brave all the time.
My diagnosis was an invasive ductal carcinoma that tested positive for HER2 (a protein that promotes the growth of cancerous cells, making them a much more aggressive and faster growing cancer). I had a mastectomy on the right side only, choosing to be positive that my girls were merely sisters and not twins, (see -- humor and hope!) and began chemotherapy on the only day of the year that tells you to do something: March fourth!
I said goodbye to my gorgeous, long hair and spent most of 2016 living in turbans and scarves and oversized earrings. This makes it sound like it wasn’t that bad. Let me assure you that this was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life! My body was being poisoned every three weeks. I had a tissue expander under the muscle of what used to be my right breast that was hard as a rock and extremely uncomfortable. If all the nerves had not been severed during the mastectomy, I can only assume that it would have hurt terribly instead of just being a constant minor pain. Chemo leaves you as weak as a sick kitten, your body feels as though it has been filled with cement, and I had huge sores in my mouth that made eating painful but was so full of steroids that I gained a ton of weight anyway.
There were days I threw myself on my knees and prayed and cried over the fact that this was MY life and He always comforted me. Some days He reminded me that I need only lose myself in serving someone else to feel better about my situation and other days He sent someone to serve me. I refused to have a public pity party and never posted on social media unless I was in a good place and could share joy and some humor about my situation.
Now, as a cancer survivor, I don’t know how I ever got through that. I think all survivors will tell you that it would be easy to feel fear, to dwell on the fact that the cancer might come back, and question if you could possibly endure it again. I choose daily to look for the good! I do not fear the what if even though I continue to see my oncologist every three months because of the blood disorder I will have forever due to chemo. Breast cancer does NOT define me. It was merely something I had, something that took over my life in 2016, but I kicked its butt and won!
Life continues to hand me lemons. I face hardships more often than seems fair some days. So I won’t tell you that looking for joy is always an easy thing to do. If you want to cry and hide under your covers for a day, then do it. But then wipe your tears, wash your face, and go out and serve someone who has it harder than you.
I have been so blessed. First, I am still here! I won my cancer battle. Second, as an oncology trained aesthetician, I get to offer free facials to those who are actively fighting cancer now. Maybe I had to endure cancer so I could more empathetically treat others. I find joy as I share my love and energy with them.
You will find what you seek in this life! Choose joy! Even on the cloudiest, most dismal day, you can find sunshine ... if you look for it.
a note from becky
I love this woman. I've known Suzee for nearly 20 years and for sure I can tell that having joy is an ongoing CHOICE for her -- and having a sense of humor is not only a coping mechanism, but a way of a life and something that helps her SHARE her joy. I'm so grateful for Suzee's willingness to share her personal experience and wisdom with us. What a powerful message.