good life with monique meese
Part of cultivating a good life is acknowledging the power of choice.
I can guarantee one thing for every person reading this post today. I know, you’re thinking, “What the heck?” And even though we’ve never met, I’m sure this is true: Something in your life will not go as you had planned. Hopefully, it’s something small: a car accident, an illness that interrupts a planned vacation, or a phone call you never get for that job you really wanted. But what if it’s something big? Loss of your job, loss of your health, or the death of a loved one? Take it from a self-diagnosed (and reforming) control freak, you can’t control it all. But in the words of Khalil Gibran, “We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.”
To prove my point, I’m going to ask you to indulge me in some time travel. Let’s go back to early December 2013. I was working a very stressful job which took me away from home about 50 hours each week. I had a beautiful (but very messy) home, a wonderful husband, and five children ranging in age from 1 to 17. Although I knew I should love the holiday season, I really didn’t. To the outside world, I was exactly what I should be – gleeful and busy. But inside, all I could think was, “Pumpkin carving is a huge mess. Halloween costumes are so expensive for ONE NIGHT. Thanksgiving – ugh. Who can do all this cooking? Christmas just means searching for the perfect gifts, sending Christmas cards, and adding hours of work to my already busy schedule. This is all so unfair and there is no way I will ever get it done.” I white knuckled though it all because I thought it was all something I HAD to do.
Then something changed for my family. In July of 2014, our two-year-old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. Her treatment required us to spend three years frequently obtaining treatment at a hospital about two hours south of our home. When October rolled around in 2014, I couldn’t wait to let my kids carve pumpkins and I happily paid for the most expensive costumes they ever had. Our Christmas came courtesy of the internet. And, I squirreled so many gifts away in fits of exhaustion that on the day of Santa’s arrival, I actually forgot much of it. We truly had the 12 days of Christmas as I discovered things hidden away for days to come.
I still had that crazy job which I was juggling between hospital trips. My beautiful home was even messier than ever and that whole pack of kids was still calling me Mom. My husband and I looked like road weary warriors. By all accounts, this should have been the worst holiday season ever, but it wasn’t. I felt more blessed than ever and three years later, I still do. How did this happen?
Sitting in the hospital all those months watching my child nearly die gave me some big clarity on what I – one small child of God – get to control and what I don’t. I realized that my family mattered to me so much more than the mess or the money or the gifts. And, if that was true, my mental choices needed to reflect that. I needed to become mindful of the small, instantaneous choices that my mind made with such speed that I didn’t even question their truth. I challenged myself to find one blessing in EVERY day: my daughter didn’t throw up, at least I don’t have to argue about washing and brushing her hair today! I started choosing to see the positive. I suddenly wanted to give her the experiences that I thought I was “supposed” to give her in years past. And, I wanted all my children to have a joyful holiday season in case it was my daughter’s last.
Strangely, this effort bled over into other areas of my life. If I want to be happy at work, I must find some joy in what I’m doing. If I want to have a good, strong marriage, it’s incumbent on me to choose to see my spouse in the best possible light. I have the power to choose my response to whatever comes my way. My voice matters and so does yours. In fact, it’s one of the most important voices you listen to everyday. So be mindful of what it’s saying and whether what it’s telling you is really in line with the values you hold. If your inside voice and your values aren’t on the same page, it’s time for some deep soul searching. It won’t happen overnight. Like anything worth doing, it takes practice. Full disclosure – I’m still in the practicing stage myself!
As you head out this holiday season, I want to leave you with one last example of choices. In December of 2014, my daughter was in the hospital receiving chemotherapy when a nurse came in with a string of battery-operated Christmas lights for her IV pole. The nurse explained that another family purchased the lights for the children so they would have something beautiful to focus on while the chemotherapy was being infused into their bodies. So my question to you is this -- are you focusing on the beautiful lights this season or the metaphorical IV pole you are dragging around? I know there is beauty in EVERY life and I hope you choose to find it in yours. I am sending you love and wishes for a wonderful holiday season!
P.S.: Our daughter is 5 now. She is done with chemotherapy and in remission. She is beautiful, sassy, and full of energy and we wouldn’t have it any other way!!
a note from becky
Several months ago a sweet customer waltzed into our Peoria, Arizona office ... and straight into our hearts forever! Monique is a Project Lifer and a "follower" (ugh -- I don't know what other word to use) but you guys, she has become so much more to us. She is truly our FRIEND. That day she showed up at our office was one of the most special and tender experiences we've had as a team. She was fearful that she'd come across as crazy as she poured her heart out to us about what we meant to her and how much our social media sharing has made an impact on her life. Crazy was NOT a word any of us were thinking. We pretty much fell in love with her kindness and sincerity and intelligence and sense of humor! Now she's basically one of our best friends. I can't even tell you how blessed we feel to meet such amazing people through this work that we do.
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