podcast show notes | episode 024 | date your spouse
This blog post serves as SHOW NOTES for our podcast — Cultivate a Good Life. This is not a comprehensive outline of everything discussed in this specific episode. The notes, links, and tips below are just some of what was mentioned. Everything we’re highlighting here will certainly make so much more sense when you’ve listened to this episode. If you haven’t already listened, you definitely should. And you should also just go ahead and subscribe to the podcast. It’s good stuff.
Let’s talk about dating your spouse! This episode is a fun discussion about the importance of dating your spouse after you are married. We offer thoughts and insights to validate the efforts you are already making and to also motivate you to try a few new things. Episode 024 is packed full of reasons why you should continue to date after you say “I do” and full of date ideas to keep your love alive!
date night in
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To get your spouse on board with regular date nights, talk to him (or her for those men who are listening!). Suggest a “priority swap.”
Reasons we need to date our spouse:
- spouse should be the number one human relationship in your life.
- you don’t want your spouse dating someone else (or a thing). ;)
- helps keep you grounded and connected to your spouse.
- keeps the flame burnin’!
It isn’t wrong and right. It isn’t bad and good. It isn’t you versus me. We are on the same team.
Books recommended in the episode:
- Fighting For Your Marriage by Markman and Stanley
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
- Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Tips for making dating a priority:
- have a heart-to-heart with your spouse about the importance of dating
- take turns planning dates
- make friends part of date night sometimes
- schedule a regular babysitter
- share this priority with your kids
Tell your kids, “We invest in our marriage for you guys.”
Date ideas from some of our followers:
- We pack a picnic lunch, a blanket and bring along a penny. We start driving and at every intersection we flip the coin — heads we go right, tails we go left. We have found some of the best places this way.
- My husband and I wanted a weekend getaway but didn’t know where to go. I got a map out, closed my eyes, and put my finger on the map. Catskills, NY. (We’re in PA.) It was one of our best trips.
- Dinner and dancing. We probably go on a date once every 2 months in the winter time, but in the summer we do it more often. We like to go to lawn concerts.
- Doritos, bean dip, and Asti in bed while watching Jeopardy! This has been “our thing” for 31 years of marriage!
- My husband and I have AMC’S A-List. We get to see 3 movies a week for the cost of the subscription. So lots of our date nights are seeing movies. Things we wouldn’t normally “pay” to see. Lots of fun!
- “New restaurant night.” Once a month, we try a new restaurant. Ground rules: it can’t be a “chain” or franchise and it has to be within 1 hour of where we live to support local businesses. We have had some winners, definitely some losers, and have had a great time trying new places and new experiences.
- The book, 52 Uncommon Dates: A Couple’s Adventure Guide for Praying, Playing, and Staying Together, has amazing, inexpensive ideas – especially good if you’re tired of the normal date night ideas! My husband and I are working our way through them.
- Luckily I have a husband who was taught that date night once a week is a must! We like to do different things and we like competition so usually we involve other couples. Bowling (which is how we met), riding electric scooters down by Tempe Town Lake, we have Groupon for ax throwing, escape rooms, Sunsplash (waterpark), along the way trying new restaurants and treats, foot golf, Top Golf, sometimes a game night at home is in order too!
- Lately we have loved going to our local improv show.
- Have a Friday night disco or 80’s party. Move the furniture type of event.
- Go to museums or on hikes.
- We go all out and go to Home Depot! Best date night ever. And we’ve been married 25+ years. Anywhere without the teenagers is a good date night.
- We have season tickets to the Phoenix Symphony! We love music!
- We love to go dancing or out to dinner to enjoy good food and talk.
- We like to go to the book store and browse and chill. Usually it’s dinner and a couple errands.
- An evening of board games. It can get pretty competitive though.
- We go to Disneyland.
Consider using “conversation starters” on your dates.
How to do “Withholds” that BH mentioned:
- The order goes you, him, you, him, you, him. During each, the other person has to keep his or her mouth shut.
- You share one thing (that you have been withholding but not on purpose) positive that you have noticed about him or admired about him, etc.
- He shares something positive about you.
- You share something constructive.
- He shares something constructive.
- You finish with something positive.
- He finishes with something positive.
Dating is not about you. Dating is about the two of you together.
Read “Reinventing Date Night for Long-Married Couples” in The New York Times.
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